Grass is Greener on the Inside

I was at a huge Christian meeting and a well-known Christian speaker was speaking on the gift of Word of Knowledge. When faith is applied to Word of Knowledge, the power gifts are released. At the end of the meeting, they prayed for those with physical sickness and called out various conditions through the Word of Knowledge. Praise The Lord, 245 people were healed tonight!

While those in ministry were calling out the various conditions, I threw a fleece at The Lord for the healing of a person, that someone will receive a Word of Knowledge with very specific description of the physical condition if God wants to grant healing. Nothing close was called. It was one of those moments when I whined to God about no word was given. I was then reminded that a few months back He told me directly what he will do regarding the person with the condition and it was not healing. The Holy Spirit chided me, “Isn’t it better that I speak to you personally than through another person? Why do you want to be called out from a crowd when you already have direct access?”

Immediately I realized how foolish I was. In my previous work, I had access to backstage and celebrities when most people had to queue up and pay just to get an autograph. I can get a photo with them and even sit down for a meal or meals. In fact, I was working with them. There was no need for me to pay or queue. So why do I feel left out when God did not call me from the crowd for an issue that he had already spoke to me directly?

Grass is greener on the inside, in God’s kingdom. I need to appreciate how God treats me as an insider and gives me inside info. So I’d rather be on the inside than the other side. 😊

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P.S. Don’t get me wrong about not needing or wanting to hear from others. There is a role to play but for matters which God has chosen to speak directly, then I should not be looking elsewhere.

Arise and Shine

I do not like to teach. It is not because I do not want to share what I know, on the contrary I want the persons to learn it well and good. I feel inadequate to teach, the sense that I am never good enough. Let another who teaches better do it so that more people will benefit rather than me being the hindrance to their learning.

For many years, Rev Dr John Tay has been persuading me to teach at his Biblical Studies classes. I used to teach the class in 2005 but it was a really small class of five people. Early this year, he asked me again. I know I cannot run away anymore. Not from Rev Dr John Tay, but from God. So I agreed, and with the teaching it also includes writing books which are materials for the Biblical Studies program. Last Tuesday (26 March 2013) I sat in to refresh my experience of the class since it was almost a decade since I was last in his Biblical Studies class. I was INTIMIDATED! There were almost 30 students and most of them are much older than me, and I can tell that quite a number of them are leaders in their respective churches. Who am I to teach them the Word of God? I probably should be learning from them instead! Rev Dr John Tay is a well-respected man of God who has spent years in studying the Word of God and pastoring his church. People are here to be taught by him and definitely not me! I felt smaller than a mustard seed… Next thing I know, Rev Dr John Tay will be away next Tuesday and asked me to co-teach with another lady. My heart was in my stomach.

Sunday Service on 31 March 2013, my pastor read Isaiah 60:1 “Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD has risen upon you” and said this is for me and Ben. Timely reminder for me for this upcoming teaching.

Monday night, 1 April 2013, was tough. I did not sleep well at all, freaking out! The next day, the actual day, was even more challenging. To take my mind off, I met up with Christina, had some food, walked around a little, and sat down to run through 1 Corinthians 3-4, which are the chapters to be covered for the class that evening. When it was time for me to leave for the Singapore Bible House where the class is held, I was dragging my feet. Christina decided to send me to the Bible House and got me chocolates! Along the way, she clocked a $11 fine as she forgot to insert her cashcard when passing through ERP (a road toll). =| O God please let her appeal get through and the fine be waived! Thank God for sisters-in-Christ who made sure I get to where I need to be regardless!

Kit Kat Pressie

Dr Susan taught 1 Corinthians 3 while I was to teach on the following chapter and also on essay writing (their first assignment for this term!). I love Dr Susan’s insights and enjoyed her teaching, and I was secretly wishing that she will continue and finish the class!! When she passed the mic over to me, I was trembling inside but still trying to look composed. Something like a duck looking calm above the waters but the legs frantically peddling beneath the waters! One of the students suggested that we should have a round of brief introduction of the class and so I did that. It definitely lightened the atmosphere and made it a lot easier for me to start although I was acutely aware by then that almost a third of the class are retirees with a missionary and pastor on sabbatical.  I do not know if the class can hear the quiver in my voice but I was shaking inside! I faithfully went through what I felt I needed to cover and the class ended. God knows that I needed affirmation and encouragement. Quite a few of the students, some very senior, came and thanked me and said the class was helpful to them. All I needed to know is that I did not confuse them or make their learning even more difficult!!! So those feedback are more than I asked for!

Thank God for friends who prayed for me and did not dismiss my irrational fears. The second class is still not going to be easy but I choose to believe that it will get easier as I learn to trust God more in this. That He is the one who puts the words in my mouth and not me. Praise be to God!