Felt I needed to process through multiple things and not sure where to start. So I took my notebook and a pen out. Prayed and told the Holy Spirit to help me release what is inside to bring clarity. So I just drew and out came Mind Processing.
This can be traced within one pen stroke, meaning everything is connected by one line. Then colours were added. Took me possibly about 6-8 hours, using pockets of time over 3 days.
As I drew, I knew that God is opening up my mind to things that were stuck within me. Went through a session of emotional release in prayer for matters that had been troubling me for a while. Blockages were cleared so that the line could continue to form the picture.
May the Lord give me His vision and heart so that I will know what to do for 2018.
Light at the end of the tunnel in the darkness gives hope when we are walking in the direction the tunnel leads us to.
If we are NOT walking, and the appearance of light at the end of the tunnel means a full-speed oncoming train or traffic that can be a threat to our safety.
Am I walking or staying still in the seasons of tunnel darkness in life? Being knocked down or killed by a train or vehicle does not sound attractive.
In the morning of 10 Aug this year, while I was struggling to get out of bed, I heard a familar inner voice that speaks so gently but firm, “DREAM WITH ME”.
Over the years, I have never dared to dream my own dream. It is not that I do not have dreams. Deep within me I have desires and dreams. Over the years, I have started to believe that perhaps God’s purpose for me is to help fulfill other’s dreams but not mine. Hurts and disappointments have seeped in each time my little steps toward my dreams are dashed by people and external circumstances. Traumatic events, one after another drain me dry, without any ounce of strength to even think about myself, what more to dream. To others looking in from the outside, I seem to be coping well with all these. As I take on responsibility to do what is needed, dreams begin to drift further and further away from my reach. Managing my expectations, actually to have no expectations for my own good, becomes a protection against disappointments. I am happy to put my heart into helping others to fulfill their dreams if I can as I know how it feels not having one. I am genuinely happy to help but deep within, aches of such longings are exceptionally intense in the process. The only way to cope is to suppress this and ignore its existance. Deep within I am unhappy and dissatisfied although I know that God has blessed me.
Proverbs 10:28 says that “The hope of the righteous is gladness” and I lost hope – hope that my heart will ever find gladness. Perhaps the only hope is to find this fullness when Christ comes back again. Yet this contradicts the God whom I know as in Psalms 27:13, David declared “I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.” The goodness of God is available even in this fallen world. Dreams are only possible for those who have hope. Once hope is gone, dreams die.
I am once again challenged to come face with dreams that died so long ago and secret dreams that I never even dare to give second thoughts. God’s call to “DREAM WITH ME” is beginning to awaken sleeping desires within. Hope is beginning to arise. I am in the midst of seeing an almost impossible dream which I never even dared to give second thoughts to coming into reality. This internal struggle is immense, to believe or to protect. To believe that something good will come to pass or to protect myself by retreating into the deep black hole so that I will not be heart-broken again.
Learning to once again take courage and press onward for my dreams is taking so much out of me. I do hope that soon I can post about a dream becoming a reality. The practical steps are daunting. For those who happen to read this, and are struggling with something similar, I just want to tell you that you are not alone. Not because I am also going through this, but because God through Jesus Christ has the power to lift you and I out of this deep black hole of hopelessness.
P.S. Please don’t get me wrong. My dreams have never been about wealth, status or position. Some of them are very basic things that many people are enjoying as part of their normal lives.
Lies and deceptions flood the mind
A battle for sanity and what is mine
Groping in the darkness for the unknown
This glimmer of light is the only hope
Deep within the conscience cries
Yet this guile detracts the mind
Tears that flow reflects the life
Of the struggle to do it right
Hanging on tight to my Savior’s heel
His grace unexplainable in me unfold
Girding me to stand and behold
LOVE, it carries me through this field